she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
