I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
