I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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