Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
