Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
