Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
third nipple confirmed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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