How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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