my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
