i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
