If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
