sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
