physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
