His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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