I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
