gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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