My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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