He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
