I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
