i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
