Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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