I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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