Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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