I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize