Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
