I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
