It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
