My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
