You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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