just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
