3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
