Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
