Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I FOUND THE LEGS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
