Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and she was petting her beer can
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
