you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
