Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
