Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
