So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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