nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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