benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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