Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
being pregnant is like rehab
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
