omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
