btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
