You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
