and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
