I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
