I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
