NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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