I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
