he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
