Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
