I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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