Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
