You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
