lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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