Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
