went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
