No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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