I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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